Oh Nostalgia...

Last summer, when i went to tokyo for one 1/2 month, i felt a strange mixture of feelings. the time i actually REALLY realized I hated my father, and that i had lost all respect for him. but anyways, despite the cold atmosphere at "home" and the fact that i couldn't see my friends as much as i wanted to, i felt amazing.

i felt free and powerful, i was the best of me. even though i did feel lonely, and a little bit homesick, when i walked on the streets of tokyo in my 5 inch heels, i felt like i ruled the city. so it was totally worth dealing with my dad and other crappy stuff....

i miss being asked in harajuku "are you a model? would you like to be a model? could you give us your cell?" i actually felt beautiful, while in france, i'm not appreciated at all. or at least there aren't a lot of modeling agencies in this shitty town that are interested in hiring me.

and i LOVE being looked at as one of the "pretty ones". i love how people think that i'm american or something and that i seem older than my actual age (people think im in my 20s)

once i bought alcohol saying that i didn't speak japanese when the guy asked for my ID. he didn't know how to say "ID" so he asked for my age and i just naturally answered "21" :). it totally worked. it was like i had power over people because i know more than them.

the weird thing is, you'd think i'd feel smaller in a big city with all the buildings, but actually i feel tiny in the town i'm living, cause i have no self confidence.

that's it. self confidence. i need compliments to feel confident. without people telling me nice things, i feel like nothing...

it used to (when i lived in japan) piss me off when people called me "russian" and "american" and such, but now it seems like a "compliment" of some sort. cause now i'm considered "chinese". thats what lowers my self-esteem..

but i always knew that tokyo wasn't for me...there's a lot of things people don't know about the japanese culture, but i'm not here to make a list of inconveniences about japan and all that. it would be a one huge blog post. lol

i was having an overall deja-vu from a different point of view.

i saw tokyo for the first time from a different point of view. POINT OF VIEW of a person who has lived in france, and tokyo, and moscow and can compare those 3 cultures.

and that's worthy of an experience no matter what.