Inside My Brain

WATCH IT TILL THE END. this cracks me up:)

ARGH

I don't read anymore, i don't laugh anymore, i don't go out anymore, i don't eat anymore, i don't do anything that makes me happy anymore. since i came here i am BROKEN.

and wasn't i the one who thought being here would be better for me? it certainly IS better, i just don't realize it..maybe. oh who the hell knows?

what i know is that i am UNhappy, i fight with my mom and i feel like we're friendlier when we're apart.

i don't even make my blog articles pretty anymore i'm so lazy!

I AM SICK TO MY STOMACH I CAN'T BREATHE I FEEL LIKE.......drowning. or jumping off a roof, what do you suggest?

idk what the solution is. think positive? done that, doesn't work. i'm a true Capricorn i am a PESSIMIST. ummm i don't see anything else i can do. wait? i'm doing that for two years now.

now i'm at the stage where i still have the energy to feel anxious and frustrated. the next step is to lay in my bed all day long (or from about 5;30 to about 7;45 to be precise) and feel...empty.

i feel like going to church and randomly pray for something good to happen to me.

i have to clean my room. weird..like 5 days ago it was perfectly organized then POOF all of my stuff's on the floor, in my bed, on my shelves.....

i'm a mess. and i can't do anything about it...........

AAAAghlsdkufxh3!!![==!@#$%^&*(!!!

I used to write like crazy. remember those days when i would just write like a whole page one day and the next day i'd write another one just like that? Ohh poor blogger i abandoned you completely..ohh but don't worry i'm sure when school starts i'll be right back on track.

like i'm reading this article i wrote the other day...and im like..."are you kidding me?" now that i think about it, i did everything i wanted this summer!

I ENJOYED IT.  
yeah sure there were bad times but HELLOOO they're so much better than not enjoying life at all??

yes, it might have been smarter to stay where i was...but my heart just said "no, i wanna stay with my family no matter how difficult it would be away from here" IT'S PRETTY DAMN DIFFICULT ALRIGHT.

no i don't regret it. hell no, i met some pretty awsome people since i came here but my EVERYDAY LIFE...it's hectic. and not in a good way.

i lost my calm and my sanity over the past two years and i definitely lost my head. and yea sure 5 years from now i'll look back at myself saying "life of an adult isn't easier, you know?"

yeah....

i'm confused...

i wish i didn't think as much and would feel more. cause i feel like i'm as cold as an iceberg and i don't feel..anything at all. i wish i was a flower child..or a hippie...lol

i had so many choices but i chose the one that seemed the most logical. which one was best for me? ohh idk.

i hope this year, i'll find myself again and that my life would change. in a good way. and i also hope that...oh hell with it i just hope that EVERYTHING and ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING will be the way i want it to be.

YES you heard me!!

hey blogger, long time no talk!

well...vacations are over..im sad...and happy to see my family at the same time. but, friends, shops, city life are left behind me...

i won't tell you what i did, or where i've been but...only how i felt. well...i felt good and bad. so i really don't know what the difference is between the two lives i have. or live.

both of them are good and bad. i've lived a pretty damn messed up life and i still do. still am thrown into the confusions that kill me inside. why do i have to live like THIS and not any other way? 

yeah blah blah that's probably "how my life supposed to be" but does that mean i suffer now so i will live overall happily after this? ughh....im a weird teenager. 

im tired of my life. just tired