ARGH

I don't read anymore, i don't laugh anymore, i don't go out anymore, i don't eat anymore, i don't do anything that makes me happy anymore. since i came here i am BROKEN.

and wasn't i the one who thought being here would be better for me? it certainly IS better, i just don't realize it..maybe. oh who the hell knows?

what i know is that i am UNhappy, i fight with my mom and i feel like we're friendlier when we're apart.

i don't even make my blog articles pretty anymore i'm so lazy!

I AM SICK TO MY STOMACH I CAN'T BREATHE I FEEL LIKE.......drowning. or jumping off a roof, what do you suggest?

idk what the solution is. think positive? done that, doesn't work. i'm a true Capricorn i am a PESSIMIST. ummm i don't see anything else i can do. wait? i'm doing that for two years now.

now i'm at the stage where i still have the energy to feel anxious and frustrated. the next step is to lay in my bed all day long (or from about 5;30 to about 7;45 to be precise) and feel...empty.

i feel like going to church and randomly pray for something good to happen to me.

i have to clean my room. weird..like 5 days ago it was perfectly organized then POOF all of my stuff's on the floor, in my bed, on my shelves.....

i'm a mess. and i can't do anything about it...........