fear of every other teenager.

the fear. for most of the people that i know, it's the fear of being lonely=not being popular (for them it's basically the same thing) , and being flawed. what i mean by "flawed" is...looking silly or goofy, i guess.

well i don't hide mine. i mean not FLAWS that would ruin my relationship with people but, the little differences that make you YOU. you know what i mean? i think usually when you meet a person you fall in love with the flaws. i find them cute and unique..and charming.

why would people want to be "perfect" all the time when you can be free (there are OBVIOUSLY some limits..) and...be who you really are. on the inside AND on the outside..

BANANA IS ANGRY/FRUSTRRATED

so most of my articles are written when i'm super stressed and i have no one i can talk to,

or when i want to KILL my self (no jk, don't worry i won't)

(oh yeah i just remembered you wouldn't even care, so never mind!)

SO...this article is gonna be one of those.

my fucking classmates (if you even can call them "mates") are UNBEARABLE. i understand, they have no experience in their fucking lives, they grew up in an incredibly small town etc.

but HOW?howww can they be SO immature? like for god sakes, get a brain. I BEG YOU.

how can i explain it....they are first of all

1. ·stupid·
2. •dumb•
3. •·rude·•
4. ••egoistic••
5. ••boring as chickens, (oh wait i take that back, at least they're amusing. they can run without their heads.) let's say cows, or better yet snails••
6. cruel. cruel meaning cold-hearted.☃
7. narcissistic but at the same time insecure!

seriously i feel like im studying with evil brats.

when i'm alone, i feel pretty good about myself,

i finally got over my silly insecurities,

but of course when i go to school/my real-life hell,

there's always some idiot who puts me down.

i know there might be still those kind of people in the adult world, always some bitch

who's gonna steal your job saying you don't deserve it or...whatever.

but i mean, open your eyes,

look at yourself in the mirror,

AND YOU WILL NOTICE

HOW RIDICULOUS YOU ARE! YOU'RE P.A.T.H.E.T.I.C.

does putting people down make you feel better about yourself?

insulting people-it really is kind of like your hobby..

you've got nothing else to talk about have you?

if they do want to talk shit about me,

i'd actually prefer them to do it behind my back...

damn what do you know about life?

...can i be anymore random?

DISNEY HAS CHANGED A LOT..

THIS IS RANDOM....HAHA

GLEEEEEEE 2:)

ok i gotta admit, i AM obsessed aaaaaall the way. come on it's only like the best tv show EVER.

i always wonder if rachel really sings like that though, cause shes just amazing. at least her voice is...nahh jk like her in general:]

I ONLY HOPE THAT JESSE'S NOT USING HER..cause i love them together..

look at me-it's like im watching this to escape from the reality..

SKY...

there's always some blue peeking out of the grey sky. :) right?

so among the assholes and the super shy guys OR gays there's gotta be ONE great guy!! thats my theory. (cause my sky's still grey-ish..lol)

THE movie that didn't make me cry but...

SO today i went to see a movie with my step sister. what movie? "REMEMBER ME"

well, since we're both pretty much desperate and didn't wanna see anything too depressing we thought it would be a good idea to see a comedy.

it was written "romantic comedy". sadly we believed it, we didn't even mind the not-so-comedy-ish title at that moment.

well in the first scene a little girls' mom was killed in front of her, so that made it all very very clear that we weren't gonna see much of a comedy there.

i liked it a lot.....but it WAS extremely depressing. i don't remember exactly what i felt while watching it but it DID feel like there appeared a hole in my heart and it was becoming bigger as the movie went on.

and the feeling when you KNOW he's gonna die...URGHH.

the end wasn't just another happy ending. it was JUUUST the opposite.

so this movie was just another SOMETHING to make me even happier and more satisfied with my life than i already AM.

p.s. apparently throughout the movie i made "comments" every five minutes...says so my sister:P

Lovey Dovey Loverson...and some other crap. lol jk:)

i love to love. but who TO love? boy-wise, who is there to love? ugh...its been pretty long since i've actually "fallen in love".....or whatever you call it. lol

well...i'm CURIOUS about this one guy...WHO OBVIOUSLY ISN'T available, is already in high school, AND who i haven't talked to in a LOOOOONG TIME.

i used to spent hours (..ok im exaggerating) waiting for him to get online..so that we could talk, even for a minute..just ti remind him that i was still alive. haha

no really..and when i made the first move he didn't even get it. I WAS SENEING HIM SIGNS. AND THEY WERE PRETTY OBVIOUS!!

ohhh boy am i obsessing again? bit of a boy-crush banana??

yes, i'm allowed to do it, i'm only 14. :P

GLEEEEEEE

IM OBSESSED❤ LOSERS ROCK. hahah:P

sweet 14..

these should be the best years of my adolescence. first love experiences, discovering new things, meeting new people.

NONE of this concerns me.

Love (with a capital L)-people say love is blind. well love might be but not me. i see things the way they are. im kind of like an X-ray machine. i see flaws. I'm not saying that i need perfection and that i don't accept flaws. NO! i don't accept flaws that are unacceptable. lol

anyways. ...i have liked some boys when i was little and i've had guys that occupied 90% of my mind before...but thats not love!!

....i find every single guy i meet IM-MA-TURE. just simply immature. i can't help it. so what i'm tryin' to say is that there is a VERY slight chance of me getting a boyfriend before i'm 17...or so.

and im not the problem here. there are guys who like me..i mean

1.im pretty pretty(..it doesn't make sense does it? xD) im not bragging but...you know, im definitely NOT "unattractive" im not curvy though...

2. i'm not stupid (four languages people! 5 with a tiny bit of spanish)

3. i'm not a hoe

but somehow guys are just more attracted to outgoing girls....even if they're stupid and not-so attractive...and slutty. so my love-life SUCKS IT.

AND my school life SUCKS IT.

conclusion: ...FML!! (ok that isn't so much of a conclusion but..)

Math..Logic

Why isn't life like math? It constitutes of logic. and as far as i know life ISN'T logical. kind of like french grammar. lol

but seriously if we could make conclusions in life based on math rules, wouldn't it be so much easier? kind of like 1+2=3

if we could "calculate our way through life" (:P) wouldn't it be awesome?

just a simple question...haha

NO, NO AND NO!

NO i cannot joke and laugh all the time, NO i cannot be energetic all the time, AND NO i cannot be fun all the time.

YES i like talking about serious things, i DO get frustrated and tired easily and finally YES i can be vulnerable and fragile, im a girl after all...

8th grade's the worst. people around me laugh like idiots FOR no reason. they gossip about things that don't change a thing in our lives just to have another subject for another meaningless conversation...basically i'm sometimes obligated to fake my laugh. im sick of faking...i think all of my adolescence will be like this. me faking....
 
to say the truth..i've never felt REALLY happy. except maybe for several years of my life...my school life was never good.  ruined.

what can i do to change my lifestyle? in this tiny miniscule town...
plus the thing's that i know the answer to my question. i have to work, and work hard to get out of here. my god i hate it when everything is up to me.


everything happens for a reason. i know that, i believe that. i only hope it's true..

BANANA isn't happy:/

it's such a shame, no one gets my humor. maybe except for my best friend but really no one does.

i know i have a "dark" sense of humor but goshhh play along or something. don't make ME feel retarded....please.

omg this blog has become a place where i just come and complain. actually it's workin' out great for me:) heheh

UUURGGGHH IMMATURE IDIOTS!! lol (i put lols to make my sentences less serious)


zubqe8ouvb ,;vpibcYnVbwbnqevBX.n˜0co!!!!!

small addiction

..why do i always fall for people who aren't available? this feeling...desire for something that you can't have...or someone..kills me.

great. feeling sad has officially become one of my daily routines..

:'( :'( :'(

thoughts..

i just want to stop thinking..worrying or carying.

don't you have times where you just want to forget eeeverything in the world, re-start from the beginning?

i feel so numb...wait can you say that? cause when you're numb you aren't supposed to FEEL. ugh im so confused. SEE? IM STILL THINKING!

...YEAAAY i made new fb account

....UMM YEAH i had 182 friends..NOW i have 8. how funny is that? ...actually it isn't i had to RE-create my e-mail address (so now i have 4) to re-create my facebook account.. VERY LONG PROCESS overall!!


oh well. im re-starting my life basically! LOL JK

...well THAT i didn't expect!

OhMyGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDD my life is OVER!!! nahh jk but a little part of it is.

I CANNOT LOG IN TO MY FACEBOOK ACCOUNT! this monday i could then the next day-POOF! gone. the only thing i got was "incorrect address or password"

WHY??? WHY THE HELL DID IT WORK ALL THESE YEARS AND NOT THIS TIME AROUND?

and i'm telling you like i tried THOUSANDS OF TIMES and its still not working.

you have no idea how frustrating it is..oh god what am i gonna do?

TWILIGHT

SO, first of all i haven't read the books so what im gonna write here is based on what i thought about the 2 movies.

HATE IT: my honest opinion.

i really didn't appreciate it at all. it was just too over-dramatic in my opinion.

AND EDWARD ISN'T SEXY, at least to my eyes. (i can imagine right now twilights fans' reactions: "HOW DARE YOU !?? HE'S ONLY LIKE THE HOTTEST GUY EVERRRrrr:O" ) and Bellas' absolutely emotionless facial expression and actors' awful acting really got me on my nerves.

but yeah. vampires: SO COOOOOL! WOW! story: even better!

"oh BITE ME IN THE NECK EDWARD AND THAT WAY I CAN ALWAYS BE WITH YOU!" "no bella, i don't want to hurt you" "but i want you to!"..gosh..get a brain..

but i might try to read the books just to check it out...see which is worse. lol no jk:P but maybe it would be better. who knows?

CONS of being..A GIRL

this weekend my step sister came over to our house and we were talking about what she was doing in her school a.t.m, and she said that they had to write an essay talking about the pros and cons of being a girl.

and that made me think...WHAT ARE THE PROS AND CONS OF BEING A GIRL??

so...

first of all if you're a girl you have to worry about getting pregnant. i mean, if that's what you want then great but if you don't, going through an abortion isn't always a fun thing to do is it?

and then of course, that time of the month where your hormones go boom-if you're a girl you know what im talking about.

if you're a girl, you have to deal with those awkward guys who don't know what the heck they're doing, or who don't know what they want.

girls have more responsibilities than guys. 

and i also believe that girls get hurt much more easily than men do. we're fragile.

the pros:

......it's hard to find positive things about being a girl to be quite honest.

but there is one thing! 

girls get to be mothers.

i wish i could read people's minds (especially boys') if i were a super hero, i'd be a mind reader for sure..

me in 2009....

Hi it's me, this will be my lil presentation.:P

SO..my name's banana as you know..hahah (who would have guessed???)

Im capricorn :)

what's my personality? hmm...good question..im a lot of things..ask me your self:)

from what i can say im humorous......inpatient, lazy (straight to the negatives..lol) obsessive, ETC..im pretty much open minded, i might seem like im cold or whatever but once you get to know me im not like that. its true, im not that emotional but im LOVING!

yeah.i know i might seem like..A LOT of work...hahah

oh and when i said that im open minded, i didn't mean that i'm really open to EVERYTHING.

•XXX•XXX•XXX•XXX•XXX•XXX•XXX•XXX•XXX•XXX•XXX•

I'm not telling you anything personal. BE AWARE! haha or not..

but then there's MUSIC. i played piano for five years and clarinet and a lil bit of saxophone and trumpet but not anymore for some reasons. i didn't quit btw. (i miss it so frickin' much..)

unfortunately i don't play any instruments anymore SO i just have to..SING AND DEAL WITH IT..lol which i can, im not the worst singer in the world but i try to do it when my parents aren't home..haha

i also took swimming lessons (which i don't anymore) for like...6 years? aand well i liked it a lot but i guess it's in the past now:/ OH WELL

and then there is my BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD-my computer. lol (i was kidding about the "best friend" thing btw..HA-HA so funny....) which has all of my sex and the city, Glee, Dr. HOUSE and f.r.i.e.n.d.s shows and my music and all of the IMPORTANT THINGS.:)

im sure no one even reads this but..idc im doing this for myself:)

❉·✳*·.just a little thing you might not know about me.·*❊·❉

Im one of those people that want to know basically EVERYTHING about other people..NOT in a crazy maniac way but..LOL

you know..what kinda music they like or..their zodiac signs (well that's another thing cause im kinda little bit obsessed with zodiac stuff..) all about their families etc...gosh i'm weird.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX