i can go on and on about this...

brain cocktaiL

...that doesn't make any sense. well a brain cocktail is a state when you cannot put a normal sentence together and think straight. it's kind of like being drunk or high but...ohh man...is it another little crush? NO, this one's a big one. and it will probably end with a crash. let's not hope so. no wait i take that back.


ok. well that being said, i'm starting my language lessons next week. lovely isn't it. 24/7 without a rest...kinda. well i just simply can't imagine being in highschool and still doing all these things i'm doing now.

i see lots of headaches, under-eye circles, and nail-biting  in the future...

goals.

these i'm pretty sure won't be accomplished until i'm...well old.

AND WISE!

1-learn and  re-learn 7 languages. so...3 more to go. + re-learn 2 + finish learning 2 (oh god damn it...lol)

2.have an amazing, well-payed job....FINISH SCHOOL FIRST. which i will, with great results.

3.beat my laziness!!!!

4.AND MY MESSINESS!!!! 

5.NOT GET WRINKLES, NOT GET FAT-horrorrrrr (hahah that's embarrassing)

6.what's more horrifying? being dependent on someone!

7.get happily married and have kids. ain't i so cheesy? :).

8.find the perfect balance between personal life and work.

9.be happy...that's all i want.

10.learn anything i can learn.

11.somehow understand SOMETHING in science.

12.stay away from smoking.
13.finish at least ONE of my craft/art things... 

i'm gonna add some more goals leitaaa....

but that's all for now:)

funny cultural differences

i remember when i first came here...kissing on the cheeks every time we said hi felt weird to me. then 2 years later when i went to america and i wanted to kiss a friend on the cheek and she freaked out that made me laugh..

for some people kissing on the cheeks is even more intimidating than actual frenching. hahah  you won't understand you're FRENCH...

but it's just the matter of adapting yourself to the culture. the world's pretty much international (and it has been for a while now) and if some of you think in japan we still wear kimonos and eat sushi and in russia we only drink vodka and play balalaika..well you're screwed.

but other than that there are MANY of the hidden things in different cultures that nobody ever talks about..i'm gonna talk about it later.

p.s. TOURISTS ARE BLIND

i'm making myself my own personal "AI"

i have absolutely no reason to be alone,  and yet i still manage to stay..single. it's not dramatic. i'm still young. but hell....i deserve NOT to be for god sakes..

so instead of feeling pathetic and undesired i'm just gonna pretend like i have someone. 

...wow...that sounds sad:/

"im fabulous im fabulous im fabulous"....

i might need an escape

remember the last post? well i think i need an escape for "that".

he made himself very comfortable in my head and he's enjoying himself while i'm dying inside. (exaggeration...) and guess what? he's not leaving.

he's staying for another two months or so till my memories will wash him out (like it does for everything else that gets into in my brain..lol) but i'm sure he will manage to leave one of  his long brown hairs behind (okayy...that was gross) and yes, it's a metaphor...a bad one. yeah.

ugh....fuck why does anybody interesting has to be so much older than me? seriously, couldn't your parents make you a year later or something? couldn't they just fight that day and skip the love/baby/the f-ing gorgeous man he is now-making and do it a year later???

change of subject:

people will always find a way to not like you whether you're attractive, hideous, sexy, ugly, stupid, smart ANYTHING. i'm not generalizing it but..

if you have most of it then they'll think you're arrogant and pretentious .

if not they'll judge you by pointing out the things you don't have.

cause in general people focus on anything negative and ignore the goods. ...whatever...

stupid pointless article that i just had to post.

i'm going crazy.

don't know anything about him, he's obviously way older than me, more experienced.

but i just can't help it.  

i'm obsessing already. it's something about that darkness..

there's gotta be something wrong with me.

i hate this me. me being attracted to a big question mark. there's something magnetic about the unknown. i want to know everything i can possibly know about him. and just out of curiosity i already checked out his __. guess what? astrologically we match perfectly.

oh gosh i'm a freak. ain't i? of course i am.

the "what if"s in my head!!! aaaargh

AWSOMENESS

i am awesome, and i don't have to justify myself.

point. blank.

changes that will lead me to a great future.

 
there are good changes in my life. i'm finally doing something that i like...and i will start doing something so huge and i must say unique, that will DEFINITELY earn me some pretty awesome job. 

so i don't really have to worry much about my future. yeah, i know it's way too early to say but..hey....i've got something that no one else has.

but anyways, all of this was to say that *now* doesn't really matter. cause that's really going to be nothing compared to my whole life. well...i won't say "nothing"...but say by the time i graduate, things will be forgotten and people will be forgiven...and my real life that i will make for myself will start only then.

i might even say that....my high-school diploma's in my pocket thanks to the knowledge i'll be given for the next 4 years. 

i'm greatful...for everything. even school for that matter. cause in the end it'll be worth it.

wait a minute. this isn't happening again

the second i thought things were better.......

oh the hell with it. i got stuff going on in my life and i don't give a damn about what others think about me. i won't let them bring me down.
(ohmygosh this sounds like some kind of crappy song lyrics..)

seriously. i will try to do the impossible and be me...not anyone else. i don't think it's the best idea ever but between:

1. being yourself and getting crushed by people cause they don't accept you the way you are and
2. pretending to be someone else and trying to please others and hurting yourself knowingly
 ...i may prefer the first choice.

i mean, let's be honest, either way you get hurt.

stay true to myself.

...block out all the noise

accomplish my goals

My American Accent

HAHAHAHAHAHYAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Ohhh OHHhMyGosh...oh wait MOHWWUAHAHAHAHAHA

Silly..silly silly

MY GOD my earlier posts freaked-me-OUT when i read them the other day. 

well...surprisingly i don't seem to have been REALLY dumb but still a bit...lost in my own emotions. i had to fix some parts that were wayyy too embarrassing though, you know...just in case.

hahah...teenagers...lol

What a surprise.....

school started good. 

that is REALLY weird to say. it's good.... something's good? in MY LIFE? NOO WAYYY lol jk

no but seriously...

the class's good...the only thing that's not good's that there's one little bitch in my class and two morons who get Zs...not Fs, Zs....  other than that....it's alll goouuud. it's rollin'.

and i had my auditions for singing lessons (it's pretty serious y'all) and it went good......holy fuck i survived the first day. i'm SURPRISED, RELIEVED, and MOST IMPORTANTLY alive..lol

BUT THEN AGAIN....there is a BUT....a BUTT.

my parents. ugh.....i WILL sound like a typical teenager but they don't understand me, one of them ignores me and one of them is a hypocrite. i can go on and on about them but i really don't want to cause it'll make me even sicker than i am right now.

but my god...HALLELUJAH!  lord, thanks for not killing me.

Inside My Brain

WATCH IT TILL THE END. this cracks me up:)

ARGH

I don't read anymore, i don't laugh anymore, i don't go out anymore, i don't eat anymore, i don't do anything that makes me happy anymore. since i came here i am BROKEN.

and wasn't i the one who thought being here would be better for me? it certainly IS better, i just don't realize it..maybe. oh who the hell knows?

what i know is that i am UNhappy, i fight with my mom and i feel like we're friendlier when we're apart.

i don't even make my blog articles pretty anymore i'm so lazy!

I AM SICK TO MY STOMACH I CAN'T BREATHE I FEEL LIKE.......drowning. or jumping off a roof, what do you suggest?

idk what the solution is. think positive? done that, doesn't work. i'm a true Capricorn i am a PESSIMIST. ummm i don't see anything else i can do. wait? i'm doing that for two years now.

now i'm at the stage where i still have the energy to feel anxious and frustrated. the next step is to lay in my bed all day long (or from about 5;30 to about 7;45 to be precise) and feel...empty.

i feel like going to church and randomly pray for something good to happen to me.

i have to clean my room. weird..like 5 days ago it was perfectly organized then POOF all of my stuff's on the floor, in my bed, on my shelves.....

i'm a mess. and i can't do anything about it...........

AAAAghlsdkufxh3!!![==!@#$%^&*(!!!

I used to write like crazy. remember those days when i would just write like a whole page one day and the next day i'd write another one just like that? Ohh poor blogger i abandoned you completely..ohh but don't worry i'm sure when school starts i'll be right back on track.

like i'm reading this article i wrote the other day...and im like..."are you kidding me?" now that i think about it, i did everything i wanted this summer!

I ENJOYED IT.  
yeah sure there were bad times but HELLOOO they're so much better than not enjoying life at all??

yes, it might have been smarter to stay where i was...but my heart just said "no, i wanna stay with my family no matter how difficult it would be away from here" IT'S PRETTY DAMN DIFFICULT ALRIGHT.

no i don't regret it. hell no, i met some pretty awsome people since i came here but my EVERYDAY LIFE...it's hectic. and not in a good way.

i lost my calm and my sanity over the past two years and i definitely lost my head. and yea sure 5 years from now i'll look back at myself saying "life of an adult isn't easier, you know?"

yeah....

i'm confused...

i wish i didn't think as much and would feel more. cause i feel like i'm as cold as an iceberg and i don't feel..anything at all. i wish i was a flower child..or a hippie...lol

i had so many choices but i chose the one that seemed the most logical. which one was best for me? ohh idk.

i hope this year, i'll find myself again and that my life would change. in a good way. and i also hope that...oh hell with it i just hope that EVERYTHING and ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING will be the way i want it to be.

YES you heard me!!

hey blogger, long time no talk!

well...vacations are over..im sad...and happy to see my family at the same time. but, friends, shops, city life are left behind me...

i won't tell you what i did, or where i've been but...only how i felt. well...i felt good and bad. so i really don't know what the difference is between the two lives i have. or live.

both of them are good and bad. i've lived a pretty damn messed up life and i still do. still am thrown into the confusions that kill me inside. why do i have to live like THIS and not any other way? 

yeah blah blah that's probably "how my life supposed to be" but does that mean i suffer now so i will live overall happily after this? ughh....im a weird teenager. 

im tired of my life. just tired

UGH FRENCH PEOPLE! & a mini book review:)

WE PRONOUNCE "SWEAT" AND "SWEET" DIFFERENTLY! they are soo frickin stupid they get on my nerves i can't stand them anymore...urghhh ugh ugh...i guess i needed to post this meaningless article on my blog to lessen my frustration. there's a lot of stuff they pronounce incorrectly which drives me crazy. well...americans suck in french so i guess its the same everywhere you live..


ANYWAYS i started reading "go ask alice" which is a diary of a girl who starts doing drugs. she's kinda my age and my step-sis read it too and loved it so i had to go and get it. but in english of course. why buy a book in fench that was written in english?


i like it so far...i reccomend it even though i think everybody else has read it already...it seems popular.


this was i guess onother one of my weird articles. anyways byeeee

THE perfect guy image. well..almost perfect.

❊· L'homme PRESQUE parfait ·❊

that's what i'll call it. this is a pretty girly topic..but every person needs to dream once in a while..

-fairly tall  

-i'm definitely attracted more towards dark and long-haired guys....oh definitely:P

-not a soccer player!

-humorous, somebody who doesn't mind silence cause i'm a pretty quiet person. but he knows what to say WHEN to say it. basically someone who has great timing.

-strong (mentally,..although muscles won't hurt either! haha)

-caring

-someone who will truly appreciate me for who i am...

   

-someone i can communicate with just eye contact. 

-someone who likes to go out, AND stay in. lol

-someone who reads (that's so sexy...lol)

-acoustic guitar player or someone who sings good, that way we can make a duo. (is that too much?? i knowwww)

someone who knows how to treat a female. lol

our rooms are EQUALLY MESSY....mine's probably worse though...

someone who forgets everything just like me..:) EXECP for special dates, like anniversaries or birthdays or names. 

our interests should be pretty similar in music.

movies? umm idk...anything unless he will force me to watch a horror movie. he'll be dead MUCH sooner that the first victim in the movie!

AAAAAND yeah. that's about it. lol

wise people

once a very intellectual and wise 13 year old boy mentioned that..(these are the exact words he said) "there's god, Barack Obama...and then there's me"

....what's up with arogance people?? i find it incredible how one can actually say out loud and think stuff like that, i mean COME ON:/ seriously,there's self-respect, and there's a whole different thing called self-obsession.

maybe he heard that confidence makes you attractive..but i assume he hasn't heard that there are slight limits.

idk....it's discouraging to think that there are more "stupid" people on this earth than "smart" ones..

I'm somewhere in between...but i think it's just the age. i'll be one of the "smart people" one day! lol

AM I DREAMING?

wait, what? SCHOOL'S OVER? i cannot believe it...

yeah nothing changed since my last post..but i feel better, much better actually, i just haven't realized it yet.

my skin's got better, i don't bite my nails anymore, i try to eat healthy and balanced food, i read (omg!! lol no i do read, i do)..."SAY GOODBYE TO STRESSED OUT ME!"

it's funny i don't have much to say...ha! well...bye :) i guess..